The Threat of Silence

For the past days, I felt the warm environment around. The happy faces, the irritating luaghters, the corny jokes. I miss these times when everyone seems ok. There's just one thing I'm afraid of, when noisy environment starts to fade and silence comes along.

I never thought that I would be threatened by the defining silence. It's so peaceful, calm and so quiet that not even the sound of a mosquito could be heard. For a person who wants to be in soltitude, this silence is just fine. It would give me a gloomy setting to reflect on something. But for a vocal person who wants transparency inside "Big Brother's House", it is a threat.

Two of my friends share the same perspective as of the moment; when they choose both to be silent. This is threatening especially for a person who's so honest, vocal and transparent. This is the time that I felt a cold war is happening. It's very unusual for the two two keep quiet, in the first place, we've known them for thier closeness, partnership and teamwork. For the record, this is the longest time they never had a serious talk.

I should be the one who is "immune" to this kind of system. I remember Yuan's lecture on EGR regarding Bitterness and Forgiveness. I know the two are both present when Yuan delivered that message. I already thought that everything would turn out well. It just so happen that the cold war is getting worse. And this is really dangerous.

In a ministry where everyone is trying to persuade the congregation to exhibit transparency, I just can't imagine this kind of war is happening. I thought that it is just PRIDE, and this pride keeps on consuming the persons involved. We ought to know what to do but sometimes we don't do it afraid that we would be rejected. After all, "Open rebuke is better than hidden love". Or should I say that when argument comes, we tend to forget how to really love?

Yes, argument comes because of pride, pride consumes love and when love starts to fade, friendships are ruined. As the third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal or opposite reaction. And it is always acoompanied by chain reaction. You might not be involved in the argument, but when the chain comes, it might be too late for you to know that you are already consumed by it.

Remembering Ian

Just had our Israel Quiet Time. I know I don't have enough
sleep that night; I fetched Drew at Kdotcom around 2:30 am
am and our quiet time is scheduled at 5:30 am. That time,
Yuan told the group, "Para kayong mga taong nalugi!" referring to the
way I look during that morning. I just told him
"Puyat lang ako, di ako nalugi" but inside me was a mixture of emotions of
tiredness, loneliness and emptiness
trying to burst up. I just couldn't help, but I tried to smile.

Right after the quiet time, two things strike me. Submission and Pretentions.
And I can only think of one person regarding that matter; it's Ian.

To some who really don't know the whole and real story, people misjudged Ian
as a rebellious person; someone who can't submit to the authority just because
of the Calvinism issue. The belief in Total depravity,Unconditional Election,
Limited Atonement, Irresistible Grace and Perseverance of the Saints. I was
once asked about the issue but I can't say anything because I really don't know
the Calvinism thing.

Pointing Ian as to the Culprit of the Division happening is unfair to him. Yes,
Calvinist have the tendency to be separatists but Ian is just being true to
what he feels and what he believes in. I would like to clear that he never
became a rebellious one, he just became SUBMISSIVE to what he believes in. In
the first place, he submitted to the authority when he was asked to have a
graceful exit to avoid conflicts because of his belief.

The other issue is pretentions. Yes, Ian never had the idea of what pretention
really is. In fact, it never became a part of his vocabulary. Knowing Ian for
for 5 years, and being his housemate for 2 years, I can say that he is really
true to his words.

One time when we had a Batch reunion, 4 of the most committed pals in the batch
actually had a problem on the ministry; they thought that staying in the ministry
for such a long time made them realize that they can no longer escape the said work.
It stuns me to hear those phrases, knowing that they are the ones who really did
commit to the work of the ministry. And right after the Calvinism deliberation,
one of the guys who once said that he is trapped had just escaped the said cage.

To those who have bitterness in their hearts that Ian left, mine has the opposite.
I admire that person, for being true and for submitting to the authority. If Ian is
there outside, mine is still the opposite. Trying to fit in a "theater-like"
situation where I have to be an actor on the said play submitting to the director's
instructions. If this would be my life, I still don't know. But someday, I would like
to remove my mask as an actor, not to to leave the theater world but to still be
there no longer as an actor, but delivering my real life story to the theater audience.

Naruto Personality Test

I took this test almost a year ago and my personality is similar to GAARA

Guess what happened a year after i took the same test:

You scored as a Naruto

You are Naruto. Loud and annoying. You have to be better than you're rival, Sasuke, who secretly is you're best friend. You signature moves are the Rasengan, 1000 years of pain, and sexy jutsu. You're crush is Sakura-chan, who secretly likes you too.

Naruto 80% Rock Lee 65% Neji 65% Shikamaru 60% Sakura 55% Garra 55% Kakashi 50% Sasuke 50% Orochimaru 30%

GEEEEZZZ!!! Am i really that loud and moody?

EGR-the aftermath

Well, praise God! We were able to push thru with EGR. Thanks to PJ and Papu's undying spirit that kept us all (those committees involve) on our feet.

The tiring weekend is over. Just after the baptism, I was able to talk to a brother who attended EGR and was convince to have baptism after the said event. His revengeful spirit is over. I remember the days right before the EGR when he said, "kuya chard, di mo ako mapipigilan gaganti talaga ako sa kanya." that phrase keeps bothering me from wednesday to friday. Praise God, that revengeful spirit was already casted out. And the captive is free. I could now take a rest.

The aftermath did a little bit of something not good for the commitee members; Yuan got sick right after the EGR. Maybe he's just tired.

My legs are still aching. I felt the pain right after the skit when i dazzly played a devilish act tempting an individual. i even Praise God for that; we lack in Actors to play for the said act and we only did 2 run-thrus of the entire scene. But the glory still belongs to the Lord, not only that, we even discovered a new talent in Jesse.

The Beaulah ladies are somewhat now have to regain their strength. The most difficult task when to them; the FOOD COMMITTEE. I even tried to be the chair of the said committee when we conducted Camp Wilderdess last January. Imagine those days when you have to stick to budget or even try to expand the food if we lack the budget. Kudos to those people who really gave their ample time to GOD.

Lastly, I would like to commend PJ and Papu's effort for managing everything, and for turning this FIRST-EVER YOUTH EGR into reality. We even have second thoughts then if we would able to conduct the said retreat with Youth as speakers, committee heads and others. But we would like to thank all those who intercede for us to make this retreat a blessing to every Youth who attended the said affair.

The glory, honor and praise belongs to GOD ALMIGHTY!